Altogether Unsure

It's a beautiful thursday afternoon. and I'm awefully unsure of myself... or the future. I decided this week I want to become: and Ultrasound Tech, 3 more years of hard competitive school in front of me. So I am transfering to UVU, and taking more pre-reqs before I transfer to SLCC, for my DMS (diagnotic medical sonographer.) The biggest news is Zach is joining the Marines. He told me Tuesday, and it's not just a maybe, he is signed up for the ASVAB, and a full physical this weekend. I don't know what to think. I am happy he is moving forward with something he feels is right, but it's going to be tough. Probubly more so for him, but it's going to affect me as well. If he decided to go he would be going delayed entry reserves, leaving for bootcamp this October. He wouldn't be home for Christmas. Part of me wants to cry, and part of me wants to be happy. I've been doing the whole long distance thing for a while, but not without talking or seeing each other. Surviving bootcamp as the girlfriend is going to be rough. Hopefully Megan and I (my best friend from college) can live together, and help each other. (In otherwords, she helps me.) So here is too the future, and the changes to be made. :D

Update.

Hello hello!

Life is grand. It may take you in unexpected directions, but you still have to appreciate the adventure.

Good News:
-I recieved a full tuition scholarship to UVU! woot woot.
Bad News:
-I still have absolutely NO idea what I want to do with my life.

I do know I want to be: A mother, continue to do photography, a artist (Not a starving artist though.) More recently I have considered becoming a registered nurse. Only problem with this is 1stly-I'm afraid of hospitals. In all my life I have been to a hospital maybe 5 times. 2ndly-I'm not sure I want to take all the hard class, like Chemistry. I'm sure I can do great, but do I really have to take that class?
Other options I have considered:
-Teacher
-Going into Business Administration/Coordinating

What I do NOT want to do:
-Fast Food
-Major Sales Corporations: ie Walmart.
-Cleaning Jobs: (Other than the temporary one's and the one's involved with motherhood.)

In another direction:
My mother and I are training for a 10K. Her more than I. I just jog occasionally. Fortunatly I'm getting in good enough shape that I think given the whole month of may I will be able to run a 10 K pretty easily. Over spring break I almost got to 3 miles. Half way there. (A little under half way there.)
Goal: I want to be 160 lbs for my 20th birthday. That is the best gift I could give to me. (Emperors new groove: It's my birthday present from me! Oh I'm SOOO happy!)
Plus, if I can get down to 160 Zach has no choice but to buy me a digital and we are going to get proffesional pictures done. (Which he promised to do back during christmas! :P)

Goal: Figure out who I am.
Not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes I feel so lost in things like: Moral beliefs, Political Views, and Being ok with those decisions. Here in Utah it's hard figuring out what I believe. When I say one thing that I feel deep down is correct a lot of people disagree with me. It disgusts me that the generation I live in is so
Complacent: "Marked my self-satisfaction especially when accompained by unawarness of actual dangers or deficiencies."
So many of of us are willing to let politics, beliefs slide. The earth, the government, all are going to hell in a handbasket if the younger generation doesn't step in. The generation before us rallied against the wars, the decisions in school. We text, we don't buy gas for one day. Big whoop. Something needs to change.

...Thanks for listening. <3 you all!-Me

Laughing until I cry. :D

The older I get the worse my memory becomes. My childhood memories, are blobs, and even last week is hazy. Apparently I'm a drugless druggie, with no memory storage. (!)

"I pee in you bed"

Related to me by a histerical mother and sisters is this story of Ephriam, 2nd to youngest, and quiet the character.

Apparently Ephy wasn't having a very good night, he had been crying and screaming. Joelle (my younger sister.) took him down to her bed and tried to get him to calm down and go to sleep... When Ephraim finally realized he was not going anywhere he momentarialy stopped crying, looked at Joelle, and with attitude said: "I pee in'youw bed." Joelle, checking the sheets, said "nah-uh, you didn't pee in my bed." that happened 3 more times until Joelle felt around him again to find that yes, he (proudly) had peed in Joelle's bed, and had promptly gone to sleep.

Now everytime he goes up to mom after sleeping in Joelle's bed, and having an accident, he says with attitude: "I pee in'hur bed!"

(Your missing out on the head bob, Ephraims accent, and the repeating of the line "I pee in youw bed" ... come over and you will get the full laughable story.)

Stepping into Procrastination

I should probubly start blogging more often, I don't keep a journal, and honestly I hate posting on facebook ALL the exciting things I experiance in life.

So this is my catch up:

1. I've lost 30 lbs in the past 5 weeks. I started the HCG diet, stuck too it, and (winningly) lost! It's been rough and maintenance is going to be hard, but I'm going to finish this and never look back at that weight.

Why you may ask? I want to be active again. Zach, my sweetheart is active and I would like to have an active family. I want to camp, hike, do martial arts, climb rock walls, and really experiance life.

I feel I'm somehow changing with this weight loss, I feel happier, more loved, more accepting, and ultimatly more confident in me. Seperation (long distance relationship folks!) is easier to deal with and I look in the mirror now and I'm very happy.

My next goal is to run a 5K or 10K by May/June-ish. I can do it! (Plus I can eat whatever I want in those situations!)

2. I'm falling in love. Being in love is wonderful! Zach and I have been dating for a 1 and a half now, how was I not in love? The first year of a relationship is trully the honeymoon phase, it's romantic, filled with butterflies and kisses. We are past that stage. We have argued. We have fought. We've have not spoken to each other for a week. But through those hard parts of a relationship, something even more beautiful has begun to blossom. Real love, the kind you only understand through his touch, the way you speak to each other, and the way you love even a 100 miles apart. It's indescribable (YES, I'm a hopeless romantic!) and amazing. I know Zach so much better than when we first started dating, we disagree on things, but we understand each other, we can share anything together and ultimatly he is the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with.

3. I'm going on vacation to Pennsylvania and Wisconsin this summer! 2 weeks in PA with my Grandparents, enjoying the beach house and touring Philly, and DC. and 2 weeks in Milwakee with Zach's family reunion (Forciea July :P) To be blunt: I'm SO EXCITED!

4. I am going to be graduating this spring! Finally I did it! After dropping out a semester, and going to summer school I am finally going to get my asscociates degree. I'm not sure what exactly I am going to study but I will finish this! (Goal in life: Finish things you start!)

5. I love the people in my life. I love my family, Every single stinking one of the. I would not be the person I am today without the trials I had growing up. I love my Dad, he may never read this, but I love you Dad. I'm sorry for any problems I have caused. Although we may not get along in any form of the word, you are my Father, and a GREAT one at that. You have shaped me to be much more than I ever imagine. and to my Mother, thank you for supporting my every decision, even the ones you weren't so keen on. I love being the oldest. It is so wonderful to know so many beautiful spirits sent from God to be with this family. I am trully privilaged in a way most do not understand. I love my (future) extended family. The Forciea family has taught me so much. I no longer need to care about what others think (I sometimes still do...) The only thing that matters is me and God. Secondly they taught me to relax. Zach especially has taught me that life is not a rush to the end. Rather it is something to enjoy, suprises and all. I am thankful they like me, it would really suck not be liked by the family of the man I love. :D. and lastly I love those who are my friends. Many have helped shape who I am today, challenging me with problems, and teaching me through example.

6. I have realized I want to get sealed in the temple.

I am not an active member, and my faith is tried greatly, but I know families should be forever, and I want my future family to be forever. I can't imagine a world without the one's I love dearly.

7. I am going to start bloggin more.

I hope you enjoyed?

Confusion

It feels like every couple of months I go through this problem.
Where am I going in life?
What do I want to do with my life?
How am I going to get there? and Enjoy it on the way?

I don't seem to be able to finish anything I start, I've (maybe) finished 1 journal, homework assignments, and quick spirnt things, but never have I been able to really change and do something, accomplish something big. That is probubly why I am still over weight. I don't have the patience to work day by day to change. It's the hardest thing for me to be patient. let things just happen. I want things to happen NOW, I want change to begin IMMEDIATLY. I can't stand waiting and waiting and waiting. Big problem in my life.
Why did I drop out of college after 1 sememster? I missed Zach, I felt like I didn't have any friends, I was bored of school, I didn't have the money, I wouldn't take out a loan, I didn't have a car, good cell service, and the list went on. Why did I go back to college for summer? I was bored, I wanted to move out of the house, I hated hated hated my job, and I wanted to get my associates. Now almost finished with summer school I am once again feeling the same feelings but also mixed in is the feeling of heading in the wrong direction.
Is college even worth it? I am a smart, hard working, driven individual and I can't even figure out what I want to do carreer wise. It's very agrivating.
I'm sick of not knowing where I am going in life.
Am I going to become a teacher, a firefighter, an emt, a dental assistant, a stay at home mom, a writer, a photographer, an artist, a hobo. I don't know. and with that I have no idea if college is the right thing. It sucks not knowing where everything is going. If I want to become a photographer shouldn't I be taking a vocational approach? looking for people to intern with, charging for photography and working towards learning more about photoshop, manipulation etc? I just don't know.

I'm seriously lost.

Today is Friday AKA PARTY!

Just kidding, I actually get to sleep. How exciting. You never learn to value sleep until you don't get much.

Prediction: If Amanda starts dating a RM, and they get serious she will be married by July 2010. Not saying she is hitting on anyone specific. Just saying. and I want to write it down so that if I win this internal bet I win (Double win... since it's against myself)

History: We were talking about Martin Luther and Pro. Siept, and Pro. S, told us he is not preaching any gospel that we all are LDS... Latter Day Sinners. How true.

Weekend: Amanda and I are going to hit Manti and stock up on food and supplies, get a 72 hour kit in case any natural disasters occur while in college, and prob just lounge around watching movies. Zach may come visit me! Yeah!

English: Descriptive Essay about the side of us that no one knows, a popular place in Ephraim or on campus, OR a invaluable popular culture item. I first wrote about The library. and then myself. Both I totally BS ed.... It will work though!

Finale: I'm off to my Math class! I love you all!

These Moments in Our Lives.

you often miss the moments that count the most while planning ahead.

Thursday Night Movie Night: The Uninvited

The other day while sitting in Manda and Megan's dorm, Manda threw a pepperoni at me, it landed squarely on my forehead making a "sqweashing" noise, and stuck. They couldn't stop laughing for about 15 minutes. That was one of those nights where everything was Okay.
We stuck in "The Uninvited" and sat (all three on one) on Megan's purple bed. It was one of those horrors where you know, without a doubt who the murderer is, and of course, turn out wrong. After candy bars, laughs and grumbles over the movie we all went our own ways and hit the sack.

Work: Not just homework, work, aka. Computer Lab Assistant

I work; Mon, Wed, Thur, and Sat, 8 hours a week, 4 days a week, I'm actually at work right now. It's a lot of free time and homework, as well as answering the very dumb questions: "How do I print" (And clearly in my mind I say "Are you serious? If you don't know how to print then obviously you shouldn't be in a higher education to begin with") and proceed to explain the "Ctrl + P method. It's nice though to have a job that lets me do my homework, text and talk, all while sitting in a high positioned chair answering questions and restocking paper (yeah for a job!)

Social Aspect of My Life: (Or lack thereof)

It's Manda, Megan, Becky and I. Were like a 4-some of awesome power fit into an itty bitty tiny space, there called dorms. We eat together, party together, go to FHE together, we even watch movies together (Including the International Cinema ones!) It's a lot of fun having a close knit group of friends. Megan: the soon to be Missionary. Becky: The girl that wants a guy. Manda: The overworked underpaid SM for Charlies Aunt. and Me: One very strange person who enjoys the other 3's company.

Things I miss (humor me, it's been a long week):

a. A bathroom in the same area as me. Instead I must walk a ways before I enter a community bathroom. (it sucks at 3 in the morning!)
b. Good home cooked meals. Yes Mother, I did eat out a lot but occasionally I had home cooked meals. Here--there are none. Cafeteria food consists of good, overly zealous meaty meals, that make you want to over eat, and I'm already in my prime when it comes to any more food storage.
c. Air Conditioning, or just a window and an ideal place for me to sleep: This is one of those double whammies. I dislike sleeping in light, unfortunately there is a light directly outside of my dorm, plus I can't close my blinds because I have a fan in the window making it just a little bit colder where I sleep, other than that I am always sweating. Need mmooorrreee Water....

Other than the moments in life when I complain it is going well, I feel I am fitting in finally, I'm not at "home" persay but, I am where I am suppose to be. I'm happy and I am finding more things to laugh at, sit back and enjoy. I went home last weekend, It was so wonderful to see my family and Zach. I missed them all so much. (I still miss you IMMENSLY) It was strange though because I really am trying to fit in here and I think I have finally found my niche.
I love you all!